Multiple co-occurring stressors. 5 things that contribute and 8 things you can do about it.
It seems to me that midlife brings up multiple, co-occurring stressors. In this article entitled, “the Challenges of Midlife Women: Themes from the Seattle Midlife Women’s Health Study”, which was published in 2018, most women identified multiple co-occurring stressors as they described their most challenging experiences.
Midlife, the period of the lifespan between younger and older adulthood, has been described as a period of transition in women’s lives. Investigators studying midlife have focused on women 40 to 65 years of age, who typically experience multiple social, psychological, and biological challenges, among them the menopausal transition. Investigators have reported a diverse array of stressful events, for example, health concerns, family problems, work-related issues, deaths, frustrated goal attainment, and financial worries.
Family challenges included challenges with adolescent children, domestic violence, divorce, or separation from a spouse, and the ending of relationships.
Work problems included difficulty finding work, workplace conflicts, and downsizing of workplaces.
These women also reported frustration around goal attainment, such as being unable to complete an academic program or lack of personal time while working.
In addition, financial stresses such as inability to pay college tuition for a child or afford essentials.
The overarching theme in this study was ‘Searching for balance in the midst of multiple co-occurring stressors while coping with losses and transitions, for some in a context of limited resources.
Let’s examine the 5 Themes:
1) Changing Family Relationships- this refers to the changing relationships that women had with different family members: husband/partner, children, aging parents, siblings, and in-laws. What comes up when I think about this theme is that while we are changing at this phase of life so is our partner, our parents are aging, if you have kids they are growing up and possibly getting ready to leave. Bodies are changing. It is true that change is happening all the time, but it is especially noticeable at this phase of life.
2) Re-balancing Work and Personal Life- For many women stressful job/career, unemployment, balancing multiple roles, job change/career change, job loss/unemployment, finding a job with health benefits, and facing retirement necessitated re-balancing work and personal life. For the majority of women, feeling overworked, and having to balance multiple roles was difficult. I was reflecting on my own decision to quit my job about 2 years ago and embark on a school journey, heading for a new career. It has been a life-changing event, and I am proud of myself for doing it, but balancing work and a personal life, or school and a personal life, while also managing the home, worrying about bills, and navigating extended family situations, it is hard to find balance and find time for oneself.
3) Rediscovering Self- This was very important to many women in this study. Health problems, existential issues, self-esteem/self acceptance, returning to school, the menopausal transition, and personal changes were five sub-themes related to self. This point is very much in connection with the above point, I think. Part of the menopausal transition and all the change that occurs during this time does have the potential to bring about an existential crisis. I think we start to realize that there is probably more time behind us as opposed to in front of us now and we start to ask ourselves, “have I done all that I want to do with this wild and precious life?” What things have I not done that I still want to do and often while this is going on we start to deal with some health problems. This has been true for me. I see these health challenges as an extension of the existential crisis, menopause, etc. The challenges give us a moment to reflect and possibly make some new choices around health. We may start to recognize that the choice of how to move into the next chapter of our lives is truly up to us. What choices can we make to care for and nurture ourselves. What can we do to start honoring who we are at our essence. Maybe we start to shed some of the masks we have been wearing and start to do the work of uncovering who we truly are before the world told us who we were supposed to be. This rediscovering self is hard work, but necessary if we want to continue to grow into the person we were always meant to be.
4) Securing Enough Resources-Generating enough resources was an all-encompassing task for many women. Many women found financial challenges, partner’s unemployment, and lack of health insurance as very stressful life issues. This is so true. As women, many of us have struggled with the money end of things. Our society simply does not value much of the work that often, (not always), falls on the woman in the relationship. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, kids’ appointments, and 1000 other jobs that women often do are not paid for in the traditional sense. If we are single parenting, it is extremely hard to get ahead, let alone keep all the bills paid, and having time and energy to spend with your kids and on yourself.
5) Coping with Multiple Co-occurring Stressors- For many women in this study, they were dealing with multiple life stressors in their midlife years, many of them occurring around the same time. The majority of women in this study identified multiple co-occurring stressors as among the most challenging experiences of their life. As mentioned previously, at this stage of life there is a strong tendency for many stressors to exist simultaneously at the same time.
So, what can we do to help ourselves when all of this is going on. Well, it is not easy.
There are a few basic things that we can do:
1. Exercising- even a short walk by yourself or with a friend can help ease stress. Your body will thank-you. Our bodies like to move. It doesn’t have to be a marathon, it can just be a 5km walk.
2. Eating healthy foods- This can be difficult if you are super busy and tired, but taking the time to make healthy food choices pays off in the long run. Start small. Make one change and see if you can stick with it. Then make another change.
3. Time-Management- There is a saying that busy people get things done. Even setting a daily calendar so that you know what you must get done in a day is a start. Maybe make a top 3 list. This allows you to know what the 3 most important things are and plan to get them done.
4. Setting Realistic Goals- This relates to the one above. Be realistic about what you can get done. Is it worth burning the candle at both ends? It isn’t and we pay a price for living our life this way if we are paying attention.
5. Getting more sleep. This is a big one and doubly important because many women at this stage do not sleep well. Prioritize sleep, create an evening routine that promotes good sleep hygiene. Consider an herbal sleep aid or talk to your doctor if you are having trouble sleeping. This is the time when the body repairs and recovers. Do what you can to honor that. Another thing you can do if you are having trouble sleeping is to remember that even resting with your eyes closed and focusing on deep, slow breaths is still very restorative for the body.
6. Making time for leisure activities- this does not have to mean going away for the weekend. It can be simple like taking an hour to read a good book, watch a good movie, have a nap, give yourself a facial or a pedicure, go for a bike ride or a picnic. Whatever brings you joy.
7. Building stress reduction skills- This can be anything from having a good belly laugh, going for a walk-in nature, journaling, or napping. Start to tap into the things that help you cope with all that is going on in your life. Maybe it is coffee or tea with a friend, painting, or listening to music.
8. Learning and practicing mindfulness- (learning to control attention). This can be meditation, eating mindfully, practicing being fully present with your spouse, child, or friend. Noticing when you are outside-the birds singing or the feeling of the wind on your face. Enjoying a hot shower and the feeling of the warm water on your body. Bringing yourself back to the present moment. This is one that I am currently working on and prioritizing in my life.
In summary, midlife is a time of life that is full of many changes, and it is often true that they are happening at the same time. Some of these changes may be initiated by us, many of them are not. They are simply happening. It is important to normalize this. Many people are going through it as we are. We are not alone. It can feel overwhelming. There are some things we can do to help ourselves as we navigate this generally new and often rough terrain. We can choose to exercise, start eating healthier, set realistic goals, get more sleep, make time for leisure and fun, as well as practicing mindfulness. We do not always have a choice over the changes that are happening, but we do have a choice as to how we want to respond. We have agency over self-care and how we use our time to some degree. I hope this was interesting and somewhat helpful to you. Please take a moment and let me know your thoughts on this topic. I would love to hear from you and any insights you may have.