Loneliness in Middle-Age. 7 Tips to deal with being lonely.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I am noticing at this stage of my life, (being in my 50’s), there are so many changes happening, (I will dive into that in another blog post), but one thing that is very true for me and others that are in this stage of life is that amidst all the change, there is a changing of friends as well. I have recently gone back to school and part of that schooling has been a deep dive into myself. As a result of that I am changed and some of the people I used to enjoy spending time with I am noticing I enjoy less. Is it me, is it them, is it this stage of life, or the schooling I went through. Maybe a combination of all of these things. Regardless of the reason, it has left me feeling somewhat lonely. I have people that I enjoy connecting with, (interestingly 2 of them are people I was in school with), but I am craving more connections, (specifically with women around my age).
In a journal article called “Loneliness in Midlife” published by the American Psychological Association it states that middle-aged adults in the U.S. tend to report significantly higher levels of loneliness than their European counterparts, possibly due in part to weaker family ties and greater income inequity.
“Loneliness is gaining attention globally as a public health issue because elevated loneliness increases one’s risk for depression, compromised immunity, chronic illness, and mortality,” said lead author Frank Infurna, PhD, an associate profession at Arizona State University. This study also found that loneliness is on the rise compared with previous generations, across both the U.S. and Europe.
So, we know that loneliness is a common theme for many people in mid-life, what are some of the things we can do to help ourselves move into a place that feels less lonely.
In an article from the “Mind” website they list 7 things to help deal with loneliness.
1. Learn more about being comfortable in your own company.
Even if you have lots of friends and family in your life you can still feel lonely. Think about things you enjoy by yourself for example going for walk, preparing a meal from scratch, listening to a podcast. Other things you can do move your body, watch a film. Practice self-care and whatever that means to you. Be patient with yourself. It can be a process to learn how to be comfortable with ourselves, especially if we haven’t done it for awhile.
2. Try and open up to people you know.
Maybe you know a lot of people, but you don’t have a deep connection with them. It might help to open up to someone you trust. It does not even have to be face-to-face; you could even send them a message or text. Sharing your loneliness with someone you trust may help you feel a bit better.
3. Take it slow. Start small, try to make conversations with people you come across in your day-to-day life.
For example, saying hello to a cashier or starting a conversation with a neighbor. Think about how your interests may help you connect. For example, do you like to read? Join a book club in person or online. Do you like to walk or hike? Join a hiking or walking group. Maybe find a new hobby. Take an art class, learn martial arts, take a dance class. It can be hard to put yourself out there, but if you try something you have been wanting to do or learn that makes it easier and you are more likely to find people with similar interests, which makes it easier to strike up a conversation.
4. Make new connections.
Volunteering can be a great way to meet new people- in person or at home. Also, helping people can really improve your mental health. Join a group on social media to talk to others in your area. Look at community organizations. Go through your contacts list and reach out to someone for coffee or lunch. One thing that is true for me is that I never feel lonely when I am walking in nature. Walking is accessible to many and an easy, low budget way to connect with others. Walking with someone also gives you the added benefit of exercise and nature, which are always good for our mental health.
5. Try not to compare yourself to others.
It is hard to stop comparing ourselves to other people. Social media can connect us but can also make us feel like we are the only ones not having any fun. In my experience, when I am going through a lonely period, social media can make it feel worse. It can be a good time for a social media break, (but only if it does not add a lot more stress). Remember that things are not always what they seem from the outside. Everyone struggles, everyone.
6. Look after yourself.
Feeling lonely can affect your well-being. Making small changes in your day-to-day life may help you feel more connected to others. Being physically active can be helpful for mental wellbeing. Spending time in nature is an easy way to increase your sense of connectedness with everything around you. Spending time around animals can help you feel less lonely as well. You could visit a local farm or offer to look after a friend’s cat while they are away as well as many other things.
7. Try talking therapies. Talking therapies can help you explore what lonely means to you. Your therapist can help you find ways of managing your feelings. Sometimes just having someone objective to listen without judgement can also help us sort through our own feelings and get to the root of what is going on. Never underestimate the power of feeling truly seen, heard, and understood. It is a gift not given very often in this busy world that we live in. A good listener, (friend or therapist), can make all the difference in the world.
So, it is not uncommon to feel lonely at any age, but it can be especially true as we enter mid-life. There are many reasons for this from having such busy schedules, (not always access to support from extended family), we may be growing and changing, our bodies are changing, maybe our interests are changing. We know that loneliness contributes to depression, chronic illness, compromised immunity, and mortality, so it is worth looking at.
There are some things we can do about our feelings of loneliness. Some of these things include learning to be more comfortable with our own company, trying a new activity as a way to meet people, getting out in nature can have a huge impact. If you have a busy life, combining things like walking with a friend in nature can be a way of connecting and getting exercise at the same time. Connecting with a therapist or someone close to you that is a good listener and allows you to be seen, heard, and understood. Lastly, remembering that everyone struggles in their own way. When we are lonely it is easy to think that no one else is going through this or knows what it feels like, but it is a common theme during mid-life, and we are not alone. So, take a deep breath, practice radical self-care, and let me know your thoughts on this topic. I would love to hear from you! If you feel like connecting, please reach out.